I don't use the term 'Fear Of Missing Out' because there're isn't any fear that I may miss out; I know that I'm missing out hence the feeling of missing out.
Having chronic health problems, especially having severe M.E I often feel like I'm missing out. This could be missing out from not having being able to graduate from University, or feeling like I'm missing out on what I see people I know are up to from what they share on Instagram or missing out on family occasions or that I missing out on the life that I should be living if I hadn't have become unwell. I feel like I'm missing out on so many things: education, employment, socialising with friends, family get togethers, holidays, going places and so much more.
I've never gotten over the Feeling Of Missing Out and it makes me feeling like my ill health is winning over on me and that it's taken so much away from me. Rather than feeling angry like some people may feel for me I feel more a sense of deep seated sadness for the life I should be living if I hadn't of gotten ill.
During the Christmas holidays especially for myself and many others it feels a time of feeling like we've missed out. There ar times when I've had to miss out on events; some of which I would have loved to be part of but I know it wouldn't have been possible for me to join and it would have tipped my fine balancing of energy levels and other symptoms. I had to prioritise so carefully what I could and couldn't do and how much I could do.
That feeling of missing out makes me feel at times invisible as I'm not there, instead I'm alone in my room. Coincidentally the international campaign on World M.E Awareness Day is called the 'Millions Missing' - the millions of people world wide missing from employment, education, society etc due to their M.E, especially those with severe and very severe M.E.
I don't think I'll ever get over the 'Feeling Of Missing Out'. I always wish I could enjoy things and equally not feel the payback and exacerbation of symptoms when I do join in with something. However I feel like I've come to accept those feelings of missing out and times and events that I do want to join in with, even briefly, I've found ways to do so. I plan lots of rest beforehand, I ensure that I manage my energy whilst joining in and listen to my body when it starts to tell me that it's had enough or needs a break and I ensure that there plenty of time to recover after.
I've also come in a way to accept my limitations and that feeling of missing out. I know that I can't do everything so instead of dwelling on what I can't do and what I'm missing out on I look at what I can do. This has taken me some time to do and there are times still when I do feel sad about certain things I'm missing out on. Life with chronic illnesses isn't a linear; there are times when I feel okay and times when I don't feel okay including that feeling of missing out. Sometimes seeing a post on Instagram or something on YouTube or hearing what a friend has been up though I'm happy for my friends inside I wish I had the ability to do things and then that makes me feel like I'm missing out on things I'd love to be able to do. But this is where acceptance comes in and also focussing and feeling gratitude for what I am able to do within my restrictions and the feeling of what I can do rather than the feeling of what I can't do and what I'm missing out of.
